Hate me

 (written in 17/10/18)

Hate me, I bleed you when I'm blind

Kick me, I fancy being hurt

Yesterday I set myself gods to idolize 

Today I look around at huge mirrors

I painted them with the most

Shiny fluorescent colors

But now my own shadows

Equalize our surroundings

Papa was fucking witches

Mama wore a crown of spikes

And I take over all this dirt

My love is a selfish pseudo sacrifice

So I pray a prayer to make me rot slowly

The true phoney believes its deceit

A truly damaged brain forgets everything it learns 

Punch me, I need to stay like the victim

Break my heart and legs, all I need is an excuse

Yesterday I tried harder than Japanese boys

Today I hold the luxury of letting myself go

Look deep into my intense little eyes

And spit over the despair of these almost-tears

Observe the precision of my bloody stingy pain

This time it is for real 

This time, nothing to hold 

Judge me when I vomit abusive honesty

Or emphasize my love by despising all the rest

I built a delusive castle

So rob my reasons to deny my depart

Yesterday I was wearing glasses of sanctification

Today the dust inside me clogs all my holes
And can not see anything but a blur

Underestimate my unsophisticated words of true

So that you remain on a fake shelf

Yesterday my golden path distracted me enough
Today, I search strategies for abandonment
Crucify this inner whore, who lurks here inside
Burning her down to sticky ashes
She is summoned by traits

Switched

Who will be able to tell

When it switched inside me?

Was it a word?

A smell, a colour, a sound?

Or maybe it was this silence

That now I hear like meditation music

A post-funeral peace

The calm feeling

 Of a blurry line down the horizon

That smooth relaxation

Of my sweat cooling down 

While my heart decelerates 

And my mind empties itself

By reminiscing what it meant

And forgetting how it felt