Saturday, July 22, 2017

Mirror


This apparent excess of 
Redundant adjectives
Is the only mean 
Of trying to precisely
Illustrate all the nuances
Of such disappointment  
When your little kid
Kill her little bird
Unaware of destruction
Or when the pseudo heroes 
You paint yourself
In deceitful portraits of hope
Melt into a disgusting sticky goop
Stinking more than
The fingers that moved the brush
Sad is this view 
The awakening, realising
That outside you
Everything follows the same
Like a disturbing mirror
Reflecting multi-angularly
The imperfect, ridiculous and biased
When the lies you carve
In rotten wood
Are taken over by worms
Which you, by silly delusion
Took by candy
Suffocating by this dread
You face, understand, shock
Sickening with the taste
Of our inevitable condition


Saturday, July 15, 2017

The kids bear

The bear looks down
While looking down to the world
In a delusional high demand
While playing with the cards
Of a giant unstable pile
Accumulated by his bloody fuzzy truth
As a passive existence
The bear bears the hours
Of a silly pointless matter-instance
Pushed ahead inertially
By that bubbling happy kid
With naive faith as if exerting a force
To the strings of a dead puppet
Pulling it up and down
By purified movements
The kid changes the bear
From left to right
So that the sweeties
Can be finally tasted
But soon again
The bear stares still
At medals and trophies
Eager for a never ending path

Banality

By banality we scape
The obsession of over-complexified
Issues of our reality
A reality created alike
Our own make up
By self-compositional glasses
It is achieved through the banality
The simplicity of just seeing
And tasting a piece of instant
When we can finally accept
That progressing is one more
Accumulated banality itself
We stop, breath and admire
The most lovely things
Which have been surrounding us
When we wasted blessings
While regurgitating
Our slaving existential state
And the shame of our
Embarrassing nature
By banality we escape
The conviction of being
By being, and being only

Smiles

Kept the box closed
For the perfection of
A precious virtuality
But is it more worth
The excellence of what is not
Than the gradual tainting
Of what happens to be?
All lips get slowly
Back to their places
After the prettiest smiles
Like an evil ritual
Of beauty destruction
How good is the grace
Of what can not be reached?
If in the realm of imagination
Anything could be anyway
Why not giving chance
To experiment and demonstrate
In the realm of what we call reality?

Monday, May 8, 2017

Red

Praise the softness of my plaster
As my distress wears out faster
Sinking into warmth, deep
Trusting fully until asleep
Calms me down, 'it's ok'
It is safe for a stay
Long hours staring eyes
Bruises heal, time flies
I climb asylum into the chest
Watch the mouth, watch the rest
Hypnosis with smoke
Mannerisms to provoke
Fingers through hair as a star
Vain grimace in disregard
Fighting imaginary-swords
Entertaining, playing with words
Long winding to close the door
Found the scarf you were looking for
I could wet, dry and die
After 'what?', 'why?', 'can I?'
Voice pattern makes me cry
Red gets white, why, why?

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Lily’s knee

Everything Lily does is about her knee
Says her teacher: why are you limp?
Is it again for your knee?
Lily nods and keeps on walking
Dead pace, as who is going no where
Sits down and keeps on writing
Messy words, like for nobody
Tries to dance to make her knee move
Lies down to give it some rest
Get up slowly not to hurt it
Kicks her friends to test its strength
Eats vegetables to make it stronger
Crosses her legs sometimes to hide it
Wears skirts just to expose it
Open her legs so it feels comfortable
Squirms a bit so it'll be stretched
Talk to people, to research about it
Starts speaking to describe it
Spaces out to think about it
Everything Lily does is about her knee

Forever

I woke up lying over a pair of legs
Night had come in complete silence
Took a few seconds to situate myself
Looked up and saw he standing there
Spread out sleeping, mixed up with me
Still wearing his inverted brown hat
Felt a contradictory overwhelming relief
While he rested there totally wasted
Then it hit on me the danger
Of each instant passing in real time
Felt an intense piercing pain in my chest
Like by a sharp thin surgical needle
Some abstract dread took over
As my eyes watered uncontrollably
That desperately fulfilling joy
Dissolving at each fallen grain
From our merciless sands of time
I heard a voice saying: run, run
Held him tight and closed my eyes
While trying to stop breathing
Hoping to die to illusionarily freeze
That priceless feeling forever

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Portrait

This ability of observing all this ugliness
And regurgitating it as plastic descriptions
Sometimes comforts the agonising paranoia
Of visualising one such shameful tragedy
Build these artifacts sweating from grief
As beautiful portraits drew with my blood
Like paintings depicting despicable nature
It entails the contradiction that feeds me
The evil nature of a sad only-peace of mine
Had I chance to choose, I'd pierce my eyes
Once, how good is it, wearing this crown?
Queen of a vomited self-disgrace honesty
When decomposing, bounded to rot slowly
Place all the portraits on a dark dusty shelf
To stare like a little puppy at its little kid
Begging fondling to my gloomy treasures



Friday, March 17, 2017

Ask me

These feelings for you are insensible
Psychotic and out of control
It's like choosing the one same thing
For each one of my million wishes
Ask me, and then I will give you
The heads of your enemies on a tray
Maybe cut open my own veins
Dissolve in acid to be absorbed
Ask me for any humiliation
Also all my tears and sweat
You can ask me harsh submission
Or even extreme self-violence
Ask me vulnerability and exposure
And if you want, drink all my blood
Ask me, and as long as it's mine
I will give it all to you with delight
As long as I don't have to pretend
On the condition that I truly have it
Or at least that I can steal it for you
Dash to loud and clearly say it
Dare to be my man, who asks me
And whatever it is, it is yours

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Repetition


The head in a tiresome repetition
Alternating among these thoughts
Excuses for those discontentments
Factors which justify the inaction
Or a meaning for the insatisfaction
Our torment for all their memories
Which don't even touch our reality
But which hurt us for its probability
What pierces us sharp spiking inside
Is insignificant spark in their minds
Silly reference dragging itself along
Like one such biased miscalculation
A cautious punishment of our body
Making sure we'll tie in cooperation
Guarantee that we go on at any cost
Once we're not a goal, but the mean
We crawl like these humiliated slaves
Reaching our peace in short intervals
In this torture cycle that moves us, as
Eternities between relieve and relieve

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Culpados

Essas culpas que assumo
Não isentam sua parcela
A pele sua que arranquei
Sem dó nem compaixão
Estava mesmo putrefata
Deu-te uma nova chance
De crescer com saúde
Pois se é suja de sangue
A mão que te levanta
Por que então comes
Esse pão a toda manhã?
Se a força que te bota em pé
É um fruto rubro envenenado
De egoísmo coincidente alheio
Por que não foges, nem que for
Pra se arrastar com dignidade
A língua te infla em virtude
Da tua impotência inerente
E então atira flechas de culpa
Em mim e até às paredes
No entanto, nunca no espelho
Chicoteia não a si por sua prisão
Resultado de inércia encrustada
Mas sempre só a mim, tal qual
Saco de pancadas do pequeno rei



Thursday, February 23, 2017

Egoísta


Repetindo palavras óbvias
Para passar-se como idiota
Tolo, letrado, que justifica
Sua triste falta de empatia
Com tautologias biológicas
Nunca esquece de desviar
Diz: a culpa é de ninguém
Sempre tirando e coletando
Saco sem fundo nem volta
Dando um amor tão doente
Que tudo concede e permite
Mas não enxerga, não sente
As dores dos alvos, lendas
O sangue dos seus, bebes
Bota no copo tanto açúcar
Que a essência nem sente
Nem suspeita que o corte
Arde e queima em alguém
E quando os seus irmãos
Despejam o ódio acumulado
As suas dores das agressões
Abraça como estranho fetiche
Quando vítima do que ama
Chama de escolha a desgraça
Mas vitimiza, maldoso
Diz-se fantoche moldado

Confessar

O engraçado é que a única coisa
Que te atribui ainda alguma beleza
É essa sua capacidade de às vezes
Confessar tudo que te faz podre
Hilário ver algo tão sujo ganhar cor
Só por se valer da própria pobreza
Quando aquela honestidade amarga
Em fim te vem brotando carrasca
Ouve sua voz dentro da sua cabeça
Em tom quase que cinematográfico
Como se fosse bonita a humilhação
Nesses dias de intensa auto-percepção
Até um insignificante e automático
Sorriso cordial que ganha de graça
Te faz sentir ódio de quem parece
Nadar calmamente nesse mar de lixo
É em dias como este que odeia todos
Não só inimigos que te provocam, mas
Até os que te amam mesmo com falhas
Acusa-os de te sub-julgarem indigno
De ser condenado junto aos outros
Vai odiando aqui e lá, para todo lado
Em vergonha, solidão e contradição




Monday, February 20, 2017

Tiny darling

More than her love object
Loved the mad act of loving
Loved being the little-lover
As the idolatry practitioner
Wanted to be the little girl
That crave of looking up to
Tiny darling, the baby-doll
So fragile toy for a big boy
Desired the role of porcelain
To make his sly eyes shine
Wished safety of his pocket
Like a shelter in deep peace
Carried, shaking all around
Let her clangs sound aloud

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Almost

Oh, it almost made you do it
Yes, did nearly set you free
Almost helped you to go
To the place you crave to be
All the days and every morning
As it dawns on your consciousness
That it's time to bare yourself again
Patterning desperate awareness
Creeps through the nervous system
The pain dies and reborns fresh
Huge storm of dire sensations
Like ripping apart your flesh
Oh, it almost sent you home
In seductive self-destruction
With sore and sensitive skin
Breathing by thick obstruction
And when you were almost there
Could anticipate the relieve
But was dragged back in time
They would never let you leave

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Screen


The screen's the prophecy
That I make come true
Coz it shines and shows
My most perfect Déjà vu
Mixing up with my essence
Incarnate the stereotypes
Diving into fanciful reality
As fits perfectly my types
Chicken/egg messy issue
It's genuine, it's truthful
Skewed self-illustration
Show that I put on for you

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Anseio vazio

Essa lascívia que te percorre o corpo
Não te vem de uma vontade de prazer
Vem dum desespero abstrato que sobe
Percorrendo do estômago à garganta
Como se quisesse vomitar ansiedade
Desejo de ser preenchido por ácido
E se desfazer em um monte de nada
Quando sua imaginação em branco
Não da nenhuma recompensa barata
Só reprises de borrões sem definição
Sem aspirações às quais se apegar
Nem mesmo aquele conforto gelado
De um curto sombrio abraço fantasma
Se enterra em meio a finos cobertores
Soterrado por desgosto de gosto azedo
E o tempo que sentia escapar pelo vão
Agora engatinha se arrastando em vão

Cena

Te vi fazendo poses e cenas 
Dando cor pra cantos vazios
Com pincel e vidro de tinta, um
Punhado de estrelinhas miúdas
Truques manjados na bolsinha
Por aí, cuspindo na cara dos limites
Que nos são socados goela abaixo
Transformando o barulho em som
Sem o luxo da seriedade metódica
Que rouba o coração dos artistas
Com um grande sorriso fermentado
Sobre face marcada, coberta de base 
Te vi leve, de disposição irrelutante 
Como ilustração ambulante a cores
Da negação da moralidade barata 
Descrita nos livros mais profundos
Que recito tão apaixonadamente 

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Influências acumuladas




Sem saber exatamente o por quê
Embora seja tentador especular

Tendo conhecido cada um daqueles
Venho carregando e acumulando
Seus métodos e alvos de apreciação
Tudo em que vim a ver valor e amar
Devido a meu precedente amor a eles
Que vem do que dificilmente se mapeia
Perdido na complexidade das células
Em meio a bobos padrões obsoletos
Misturados com as utilidades atuais
Cuja capa que se usa pra alcançar
Não tem a mínima semelhança
Com a origem, raiz e motivação
O fato é que carrego genuinamente
Sem planejar, percebendo só depois
Levo como parte de mim mesma
Incorporado em minha essência
Através de cálculos grosseiros
Ótimos na medida do possível
Servindo bem a seu propósito 
Enxergo esses valores como fato
Mesmo quando ciente da ilusão
Sei que esses vultos são apenas
Lágrimas no canto do meu olho
Mas continuo vendo os movimentos
Que no final das arrogantes contas
Definem essa minha verdade prática

Accident


I killed him by the good intentions
With which hell is riddled of
I killed him with lovely torturing tools
When smothering him with flowers
I killed him with choking marshmallows
As a poisoning vaccine
Saw him drowning with the water
That I poured to wash his wounds

Baby


Wonder where my baby is now
Miss his spirit everyday
Hold the imaginary baby
Rock him slowly, schizo mother
Rolling him into a blanket
Covering all the little spots
I'll make sure to keep you warmy
Sleepy sweet little boy
Soft, soft, flushy cheeks
Moving-fingers, says "nenä"
Tapping lovely on my face
Pikapika, pikabuhh
A fulfilling homy-hug
All my kisses are for you
As the dog starves on my feet
Nurse and make my baby comfy
While the dog begs a pat
Squeeze the cutie white rat
Past December is today
Finally snowy, it's so white
Let the dog starve to death
While sing baby lullaby

Drink it son


Drink it son, drink the milk of your mother
Even if it's sour and oily
Drink it all at once in an agonizing, but quick sip
To make it easier to swallow
Suck it all out, even if it hurts me
Drink everything you can
Because I'm running out of strength
I'm going to die soon
And I want to give you everything I have before I go
Because I win more by giving it to you than keeping it for myself
And though feeding you is a consuming challenge
I go to bed exhausted while already
Thinking of the next meal I will provide you
Drink it son, because this milk I minister you
Comes from an effort that I couldn't do for myself
Drink it because I need you to be healthy
And know that when I compare you to the others
It's because you must see you're better than them
And if they attack you, it's not because they don't like you
But because you're a threat
And if they reject you, it is not because you're not good enough
But because they can't stand living under your shadow
They will punish you for your beauty
That you were born condemned by
When even your closest brother, who loved you more than any other
Unconsciously planned to kill you to have what's yours
So that I would feed him instead of you
Hoping to become what you are
Thought now he regrets in shame
Giving his best to make up for it
Drink unconcerned my son
Because the poison you fear
I'd drink it myself if I had to for you
Once I'm too selfish to admit watching you die
When you can get so much further than me
Drink it son, because to save it all for you
I had to deny the compassion of a mere drop
For whom was starving orphan
Drink it all, get up and raise, my baby sun
Because though I acknowledge your pain
I'd have given anything to have had the chances you do
I push you into the river because I know you will swim
As soon as you feel the cold water freezing your ass
Drink it son, and don't be afraid
Because the darkness I show you is to contrast your light
So you can finally see it
Drink my son, get strong and make me proud
So I can feel that all my tears and sweat were worthy
Drink my darling, and make the best out of it
Because this strength I give you
I had to prostitute to gather
Because this is what a caregiver does
As my own mother did for me
And though I should, I can't love her "just" for that
Drink it my baby, and hate me
Because I have to play a harsh role
When the ones you value the most
Come and go whenever they want
Drink and come outside
I've carried you for 8 months
Pushing you out early before the 9th
Not for simple superstition
But because I knew you could handle it
My breastfeeding is smothering
For the unbearable pressure that my faith exerts on you
Forgive me son, when my sin is loving you too much
If I spoil you by never saying no
Once it breaks my heart having to deny you anything
I did the best with the resources I had
And if I had more, I'd give you everything
I'm sorry my son
If I was too young when you came
And I wasn't ready for such bless yet
If what your mother has to offer is less than you deserve
If it's full of flaws and stinks like rotten
But drink it, because I know
That though unpleasant
It's going to make you a man

Possession


My night dreams are bitter-sweet
When your transmuted images I meet
In the morning my heavy chest
Sadly longing for time to pass fast
I quit from it, curse the beat
Try to defeat the memory of your heat
But these feelings convince me soon
Like a witch on a magic broom
Giving me to possession
It's a passion, an obsession
That's a confession
After hours in despair
All the effort to repair
Is in vain
As in my vein
Runs the disease
That I welcome like sorrow-breeze
Breath deep
Hold and grip
It tempts, torments
When you leave, you go on existing
Your ghost will stay insisting
And in long days of abstinence
I fight for my bleeding contingence

Fittest


It's scary
This bond we carry
Carries us
In a mess, in a fuss
Coz we match
In this acid sketch
Mesmerized by the trait
Lose myself, imitate
In the end, every time I deprave
A maniac, behavioral slave
Watch myself going, happening fast
Like audience hoping for the best
You're the soap I fear that will slip
Through my fingers at night when I sleep
Optimum solution found so far
In the long search for the fittest par



Puzzle


The puzzle is a great invention
Even if not by intention
Compels to stare
At the pieces dropped unaware
Or maybe aware, to scare or dare
To investigate or to create
Cynical stochasticity
Disguising-plasticity
Grammatical utility
Poetical futility
Cheering up makeup
Experimental break up
Appealing-concealing
Keep on sealing the feeling
Which goes on waste
Superficial taste
Suppress to express
Digress to address
Disguise to apprise
Subconscious mime
Once-upon-a-time-rhyme

Free hugs


When for free I drink this portion
Having to give nothing back
Nothing that isn’t the result itself
Of what you do by just being, laugh
I stand like non-paying audience
Uncontrolledly contract my muscles
Releasing that deep pain pressure 
Abstract and suffocating tension
Which a thousand phony interactions
Staged in that stages, where I stand
Prostituting my art among snakes
To feed the bottomless pit of my ego
Almost never decently cause me to
Ya, it was in that showery afternoons
Taken by self-perception hangovers
At times embarrassedly confused
By the distance of those oceans
And frustrated by the velocity which
Pushes me to where I need to be
That I creepily received free hugs 

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Fraude

O tormento e as lágrimas secas
De assistir repetidamente
O passado fantasma que o persegue
Ser condenado por si mesma
Pela fraude de tudo que o compõe
O logro de sua decência
Que se sustenta por sorte e blefe
Vergonha do que já não pode negar
A solidão de sua natureza feia
Condenação perpétua
Que respira como vidro moído
Corta por dentro devagar e sutil
Escondendo o rosto porque sente
Carregar clara evidência
De toda nojeira que abriga
Se contorce pela dor nas entranhas
Debate-se e da com a cabeça na parede
Em desespero, sem conseguir
Derramar nenhuma lágrima
Que te alivie esse pesar
Deita numa cama de pregos
Na qual se revira a noite toda
Alfinetado pelos fragmentos
De memória manchada
Por uma realidade podre
Da qual faz parte tão profundamente
Que já nem sente o cheiro
Cata os cacos dos cristais que quebra
Por sua doença de tremedeira
E esfrega na pele com destreza
Como quem aplica um peeling importado
Para forjar a situação e sensação
De que foi necessário e estratégico
Que é fineza e que valeu a pena
Destruir o pouco de bom
Que se encontrou nessa vida
Engole a dor como se fosse confeito
Enche a boca e empurra pra dentro afoito
Montando um sorriso desesperado
De agonia relutante
Pra que o corpo convença a mente
De que este estado é o que se quer
Despedaça sua inglória e embrulha
Em papel colorido barato
Roubado da escola
Que frequentou ignorante
E distribui pra pessoas desgraçadas
Que acham o máximo as migalhas
Deste personagem
Personagem esse
Que convence até que bem
Porque antes convenceu a si mesmo
Mas que caiu diante da plateia
Quando no fundo do salão
Sem querer se viu no espelho
De modo que o gesso e a tinta
Que cobriam e moldavam sua farsa
Esfarelou e derreteu
Numa única e ridícula cena
Gerando nenhum aplauso
Mas um insuportável silêncio
De desconcertante embaraço