Instance

Is this one more instance

Of that same old gist of myself?

Transmutated from memories 

Projecting an embodiment

Which at first, seemed far

Now all around, inside and out

Insideout, out of true sight

And it shines, clean, clear

Shivers me with purity

 Is it that false hope

Of one desired exception?

She fights to send it away

Doubts, tricks, sets-up 

But here, there, anywhere

The ugly or the beautiful

When sweet or when bitter

Tastes worse, tastes weaker

Lurking

Drowning in a stream of fuzzy thoughts

Drag the dead out of their tombs

Every time, after I doubt 

The nature of what I see

And the sobriety of my tongue  

While they rotten slowly

And I watch and rewatch 

These shows of decomposition 

Whatever she came to promise

I don't have it

I'm dry, overflowing powder

To suffocate her pervasiveness 

While she does nothing but collecting flowers 

In a dark room, as they suffocate 

Just for aromatization

 I poke holes and carve bruises

Smothering her silly fairy-tale words 

Which deviate me from my path

All I ask is do not listen

Do not forget I'll always be here

Lurking and conspiring

Compulsively digging my way out

Distortion

It is not a lie
It is a mix of potential reality
With fussed tricky adjectives
And ambiguous connotations
A wish disguised of astonishment
Condescendence dressed up as admiration
A cynical deceitful joke
No, it is certainly not a lie
It is just this milk I breastfeed you
Made of hopes, tenderness, and distortion
It is not fake, but modulation and reinforcement
No, it is not phony
When it has a poetical license for illusion
It is a desire wearing a whore makeup
A selfish self-sacrifice
For a ritual of strengthening
By bathing you in my own blood
For this precious gist extraction
That I compulsively consume
It is not a scene, it is a lucid dream
Built with a lousy censorship
To glorify my highness through inversion
Not genuine neither false
It is an artistic reconstruction
For this delusional mental model
Of you inside my mind
It is not a show
It is a script of your fears and tears
Read and reversely-engineered
Into comforting pseudo characters

Ghost

I chase this ghost, the essence of this one, called me

As a torturing phenomenon, I watch myself happening

The banality of all the little pieces which make me up

Mocking me all around, in the walls that isolate me

The ground sustaining me, or the air keeping me going

I empathise with the inanimate, because it confronts me

Challenging my complexity with literally solid arguments

By simply passively existing there with me, and just like me

My words are fruit of a rape, once they're fed by thoughts

Which are intruders into my mind, in systematic perversion

And when I delude about this capacity to pursue my desires

They're mere result of my slaveness, sprouting like plagues

Long is the path which I can not even wish enough to quit

I go on without understanding, asking no one: where am I?

But not even this question is genuine, it's all illusion, fake

I don't exist, though I see me, as a silent dismal spectrum

An embarrassing character in this randomly mistaken story

Not for me, or even for the others, but for what is even

More insignificant than I, for a silly meaningless pattern

My blood runs in vain, in pain, insane, a no-winner game

Bleeding

It's not its fault

But its merit

It's its credit and thanks to it

That I'm bleeding now

Though the wound was here already

And had always been aching

It was because of the plaster

Which was placed over carefully

And then ripped out violently

That I'm bleeding so heavily

It's a torrent of blood

That comes out releasing all the dirt

Draining my impurities

I'm bleeding to death

And it's because of the plaster

As I had been constipated

Bearing an inner pressure

That was pushing my organs together

Causing them to malfunction

Killing me slowly

When he pulled out that disgusting crust

Giving birth to a waterfall of pain

That had been hidden inside

Poisoning everything that was still alive

It's all coming out, and it hurts sharp

The bloodletting that will cure me