Warmish

My angel gives senses to a skinless witch

He's the fructifier of a barrel soul

Special glasses for a magic virtual reality

What is it that I see?

What is it that I hear?

How can this love flourish in me?

Such, sane,  but pointless questions

I choose to disregard

Rather occupy myself

With sharpening my existence

So to preserve these hearing and seeing

But what I could not neglect

Is taking in a closed heart

As the so called God supposedly said

When something is neither hot nor cold

But warmish

I rather puke it out my mouth

Still, if only...

If only that embrace

Had chance to take place

In the right time and space

Maybe after all

We would not efface

Hate me

 (written in 17/10/18)

Hate me, I bleed you when I'm blind

Kick me, I fancy being hurt

Yesterday I set myself gods to idolize 

Today I look around at huge mirrors

I painted them with the most

Shiny fluorescent colors

But now my own shadows

Equalize our surroundings

Papa was fucking witches

Mama wore a crown of spikes

And I take over all this dirt

My love is a selfish pseudo sacrifice

So I pray a prayer to make me rot slowly

The true phoney believes its deceit

A truly damaged brain forgets everything it learns 

Punch me, I need to stay like the victim

Break my heart and legs, all I need is an excuse

Yesterday I tried harder than Japanese boys

Today I hold the luxury of letting myself go

Look deep into my intense little eyes

And spit over the despair of these almost-tears

Observe the precision of my bloody stingy pain

This time it is for real 

This time, nothing to hold 

Judge me when I vomit abusive honesty

Or emphasize my love by despising all the rest

I built a delusive castle

So rob my reasons to deny my depart

Yesterday I was wearing glasses of sanctification

Today the dust inside me clogs all my holes
And can not see anything but a blur

Underestimate my unsophisticated words of true

So that you remain on a fake shelf

Yesterday my golden path distracted me enough
Today, I search strategies for abandonment
Crucify this inner whore, who lurks here inside
Burning her down to sticky ashes
She is summoned by traits

Switched

Who will be able to tell

When it switched inside me?

Was it a word?

A smell, a colour, a sound?

Or maybe it was this silence

That now I hear like meditation music

A post-funeral peace

The calm feeling

 Of a blurry line down the horizon

That smooth relaxation

Of my sweat cooling down 

While my heart decelerates 

And my mind empties itself

By reminiscing what it meant

And forgetting how it felt 

Erotic pain

Close your eyes kid

Breath deep, baby
Fetishise this syrurgical procedure
Of destruction

Feel every piece of this pain

Slowly, somewhat erotic

It ain't the first time

And it won't be the last
Sleep after your sorrow hangover

The mornings are always hard

With the taste of the dreams 

Staying too long
And then fading too fast 

Swallow your tears

And sweat it out

As these verses

That only come to be born

In thick blood

Paranoid

The sea of scenes we see

And these foolish meanings-to-be

Projected all around

Like shadows on the corner of our eyes

Disappearing as we look

Leaving a bitter taste of what if

Whack paranoid 

How many times

Will we fall

Insane and in vain

Repeat ourselves again

The same verse

The same inversion

Our love's perversion

Waves of despair

Taint our intentions

Distort our words

Haunt each other's guesses
Until when will we fall?
Till the loss of all?

Disappearance

After searching amongst a dirty pile of needles
One, two, three, a million times, and again

Saw the brightness of a tiny sparkle

Augmented by a tasteless despair

After getting exhausted, hopeless, empty 

I could finally hit it up, bend it and carve it

While looking at the mirror

And confusing what was material

Lost my senses, locked up my logic

But, endeavor after endeavor

I come and go the same silly path

Till that deceiving dust is washed out of my eyes

By convulsionant bitter tears 

My mirage disappears

And those bedside stories to remember

Of what exists no more, and never really existed

This illusion melts

Runs through my fingers

Like a disgusting goop

Which I spread on my face
To try to glue my eyes together again