Confusion

My confusion diffusion

A fusion of reality and illusion

Meditate to untie the knots

And reveal my loving thoughts

But the speech becomes bleak

In the moments when I speak

Fear my inner contradiction

Wack pattern, no prediction

Feeds sorrow, mess, affliction

As the fondling feels like friction

Posture came across as cynic

When it's just schizophrenic

Struggling, falling to my knees

With the me and the anti-me's

And the plans that I engage in this mirage

Trick myself and sabotage

I can never see the turn

Wake up, open-eyes, I burn

Where am I? I have been lost

To meet her needs at any cost

She's a ghost

I'm the host

And she comes and takes my body

Tainting me for everybody

Intense is the grief to bear

Switching cold and warm, unaware

Up and down

Round and round

Disgust and lust

The own me, I can not trust

All her methods are so evil

Shady, dark, and medieval

Saves in a deep hole

All the secrets that she stole

The abjection, stimulative

The rejection, manipulative

Drill and fill

Before the kill

Killing with a lovely kiss

Gets her right through my miss

Mass-murder to redeem

Bloody hands raising esteem

Feast your soreness to vomit it back

Then I lay down on my back

Desperate I regret

As her sins become my debt

I'm the keeper, she's the threat

The reasoning, crazy

The sanity, lazy

Escaping subtly through the border

Personal spy, thought disorder