Egoísta

Repetindo palavras óbvias

Para passar-se como idiota

Tolo, letrado, que justifica

Sua triste falta de empatia

Com tautologias biológicas

Nunca esquece de desviar

Diz: a culpa é de ninguém

Sempre tirando e coletando

Saco sem fundo nem volta

Dando um amor tão doente

Que tudo concede e permite

Mas não enxerga, não sente

As dores dos alvos, lendas

O sangue dos seus, bebes

Bota no copo tanto açúcar

Que a essência nem sente

Nem suspeita que o corte

Arde e queima em alguém

E quando os seus irmãos

Despejam o ódio acumulado

As suas dores das agressões

Abraça como estranho fetiche

Quando vítima do que ama

Chama de escolha a desgraça

Mas vitimiza, maldoso

Diz-se fantoche moldado

Confessar

O engraçado é que a única coisa

Que te atribui ainda alguma beleza

É essa sua capacidade de às vezes

Confessar tudo que te faz podre

Hilário ver algo tão sujo ganhar cor

Só por se valer da própria pobreza

Quando aquela honestidade amarga

Em fim te vem brotando carrasca

Ouve sua voz dentro da sua cabeça

Em tom quase que cinematográfico

Como se fosse bonita a humilhação

Nesses dias de intensa auto-percepção

Até um insignificante e automático

Sorriso cordial que ganha de graça

Te faz sentir ódio de quem parece

Nadar calmamente nesse mar de lixo

É em dias como este que odeia todos

Não só inimigos que te provocam, mas

Até os que te amam mesmo com falhas

Acusa-os de te sub-julgarem indigno

De ser condenado junto aos outros

Vai odiando aqui e lá, para todo lado

Em vergonha, solidão e contradição

Tiny darling

More than her love object

Loved the mad act of loving

Loved being the little-lover

As the idolatry practitioner

Wanted to be the little girl

That crave of looking up to

Tiny darling, the baby-doll

So fragile toy for a big boy

Desired the role of porcelain

To make his sly eyes shine

Wished safety of his pocket

Like a shelter in deep peace

Carried, shaking all around

Let her clangs sound aloud

Almost

Oh, it almost made you do it

Yes, did nearly set you free

Almost helped you to go

To the place you crave to be

All the days and every morning

As it dawns on your consciousness

That it's time to bare yourself again

Patterning desperate awareness

Creeps through the nervous system

The pain dies and reborns fresh

Huge storm of dire sensations

Like ripping apart your flesh

Oh, it almost sent you home

In seductive self-destruction

With sore and sensitive skin

Breathing by thick obstruction

And when you were almost there

Could anticipate the relieve

But was dragged back in time

They would never let you leave

Screen

The screen's the prophecy

That I make come true

Coz it shines and shows

My most perfect Déjà vu

Mixing up with my essence

Incarnate the stereotypes

Diving into fanciful reality

As fits perfectly my types

Chicken/egg messy issue

It's genuine, it's truthful

Skewed self-illustration

Show that I put on for you

Anseio vazio

Essa lascívia que te percorre o corpo

Não te vem de uma vontade de prazer

Vem dum desespero abstrato que sobe

Percorrendo do estômago à garganta

Como se quisesse vomitar ansiedade

Desejo de ser preenchido por ácido

E se desfazer em um monte de nada

Quando sua imaginação em branco

Não da nenhuma recompensa barata

Só reprises de borrões sem definição

Sem aspirações às quais se apegar

Nem mesmo aquele conforto gelado

De um curto sombrio abraço fantasma

Se enterra em meio a finos cobertores

Soterrado por desgosto de gosto azedo

E o tempo que sentia escapar pelo vão

Agora engatinha se arrastando em vão

Cena

Te vi fazendo poses e cenas 

Dando cor pra cantos vazios

Com pincel e vidro de tinta, um

Punhado de estrelinhas miúdas

Truques manjados na bolsinha

Por aí, cuspindo na cara dos limites

Que nos são socados goela abaixo

Transformando o barulho em som

Sem o luxo da seriedade metódica

Que rouba o coração dos artistas

Com um grande sorriso fermentado

Sobre face marcada, coberta de base 

Te vi leve, de disposição irrelutante 

Como ilustração ambulante a cores

Da negação da moralidade barata 

Descrita nos livros mais profundos

Que recito tão apaixonadamente 

Influências acumuladas

Sem saber exatamente o por quê

Embora seja tentador especular

Tendo conhecido cada um daqueles

Venho carregando e acumulando

Seus métodos e alvos de apreciação

Tudo em que vim a ver valor e amar

Devido a meu precedente amor a eles

Que vem do que dificilmente se mapeia

Perdido na complexidade das células

Em meio a bobos padrões obsoletos

Misturados com as utilidades atuais

Cuja capa que se usa pra alcançar

Não tem a mínima semelhança

Com a origem, raiz e motivação

O fato é que carrego genuinamente

Sem planejar, percebendo só depois

Levo como parte de mim mesma

Incorporado em minha essência

Através de cálculos grosseiros

Ótimos na medida do possível

Servindo bem a seu propósito 

Enxergo esses valores como fato

Mesmo quando ciente da ilusão

Sei que esses vultos são apenas

Lágrimas no canto do meu olho

Mas continuo vendo os movimentos

Que no final das arrogantes contas

Definem essa minha verdade prática

Accident

I killed him by the good intentions

With which hell is riddled of

I killed him with lovely torturing tools

When smothering him with flowers

I killed him with choking marshmallows

As a poisoning vaccine

Saw him drowning with the water

That I poured to wash his wounds

Baby

Wonder where my baby is now

Miss his spirit everyday

Hold the imaginary baby

Rock him slowly, schizo mother

Rolling him into a blanket

Covering all the little spots

I'll make sure to keep you warmy

Sleepy sweet little boy

Soft, soft, flushy cheeks

Moving-fingers, says "nenä"

Tapping lovely on my face

Pikapika, pikabuhh

A fulfilling homy-hug

All my kisses are for you

As the dog starves on my feet

Nurse and make my baby comfy

While the dog begs a pat

Squeeze the cutie white rat

Past December is today

Finally snowy, it's so white

Let the dog starve to death

While sing baby lullaby

Drink it son

Drink it son, drink the milk of your mother

Even if it's sour and oily

Drink it all at once in an agonizing, but quick sip

To make it easier to swallow

Suck it all out, even if it hurts me

Drink everything you can

Because I'm running out of strength

I'm going to die soon

And I want to give you everything I have before I go

Because I win more by giving it to you than keeping it for myself

And though feeding you is a consuming challenge

I go to bed exhausted while already

Thinking of the next meal I will provide you

Drink it son, because this milk I minister you

Comes from an effort that I couldn't do for myself

Drink it because I need you to be healthy

And know that when I compare you to the others

It's because you must see you're better than them

And if they attack you, it's not because they don't like you

But because you're a threat

And if they reject you, it is not because you're not good enough

But because they can't stand living under your shadow

They will punish you for your beauty

That you were born condemned by

When even your closest brother, who loved you more than any other

Unconsciously planned to kill you to have what's yours

So that I would feed him instead of you

Hoping to become what you are

Thought now he regrets in shame

Giving his best to make up for it

Drink unconcerned my son

Because the poison you fear

I'd drink it myself if I had to for you

Once I'm too selfish to admit watching you die

When you can get so much further than me

Drink it son, because to save it all for you

I had to deny the compassion of a mere drop

For whom was starving orphan

Drink it all, get up and raise, my baby sun

Because though I acknowledge your pain

I'd have given anything to have had the chances you do

I push you into the river because I know you will swim

As soon as you feel the cold water freezing your ass

Drink it son, and don't be afraid

Because the darkness I show you is to contrast your light

So you can finally see it

Drink my son, get strong and make me proud

So I can feel that all my tears and sweat were worthy

Drink my darling, and make the best out of it

Because this strength I give you

I had to prostitute to gather

Because this is what a caregiver does

As my own mother did for me

And though I should, I can't love her "just" for that

Drink it my baby, and hate me

Because I have to play a harsh role

When the ones you value the most

Come and go whenever they want

Drink and come outside

I've carried you for 8 months

Pushing you out early before the 9th

Not for simple superstition

But because I knew you could handle it

My breastfeeding is smothering

For the unbearable pressure that my faith exerts on you

Forgive me son, when my sin is loving you too much

If I spoil you by never saying no

Once it breaks my heart having to deny you anything

I did the best with the resources I had

And if I had more, I'd give you everything

I'm sorry my son

If I was too young when you came

And I wasn't ready for such bless yet

If what your mother has to offer is less than you deserve

If it's full of flaws and stinks like rotten

But drink it, because I know

That though unpleasant

It's going to make you a man

Possession

My night dreams are bitter-sweet

When your transmuted images I meet

In the morning my heavy chest

Sadly longing for time to pass fast

I quit from it, curse the beat

Try to defeat the memory of your heat

But these feelings convince me soon

Like a witch on a magic broom

Giving me to possession

It's a passion, an obsession

That's a confession

After hours in despair

All the effort to repair

Is in vain

As in my vein

Runs the disease

That I welcome like sorrow-breeze

Breath deep

Hold and grip

It tempts, torments

When you leave, you go on existing

Your ghost will stay insisting

And in long days of abstinence

I fight for my bleeding contingence

Fittest

It's scary

This bond we carry

Carries us

In a mess, in a fuss

Coz we match

In this acid sketch

Mesmerized by the trait

Lose myself, imitate

In the end, every time I deprave

A maniac, behavioral slave

Watch myself going, happening fast

Like audience hoping for the best

You're the soap I fear that will slip

Through my fingers at night when I sleep

Optimum solution found so far

In the long search for the fittest par

Puzzle

The puzzle is a great invention

Even if not by intention

Compels to stare

At the pieces dropped unaware

Or maybe aware, to scare or dare

To investigate or to create

Cynical stochasticity

Disguising-plasticity

Grammatical utility

Poetical futility

Cheering up makeup

Experimental break up

Appealing-concealing

Keep on sealing the feeling

Which goes on waste

Superficial taste

Suppress to express

Digress to address

Disguise to apprise

Subconscious mime

Once-upon-a-time-rhyme

Free hugs

When for free I drink this portion

Having to give nothing back

Nothing that isn’t the result itself

Of what you do by just being, laugh

I stand like non-paying audience

Uncontrolledly contract my muscles

Releasing that deep pain pressure 

Abstract and suffocating tension

Which a thousand phony interactions

Staged in that stages, where I stand

Prostituting my art among snakes

To feed the bottomless pit of my ego

Almost never decently cause me to

Ya, it was in that showery afternoons

Taken by self-perception hangovers

At times embarrassedly confused

By the distance of those oceans

And frustrated by the velocity which

Pushes me to where I need to be

That I creepily received free hugs