Accident

I killed him by the good intentions

With which hell is riddled of

I killed him with lovely torturing tools

When smothering him with flowers

I killed him with choking marshmallows

As a poisoning vaccine

Saw him drowning with the water

That I poured to wash his wounds

Drink it son

Drink it son, drink the milk of your mother

Even if it's sour and oily

Drink it all at once in an agonizing, but quick sip

To make it easier to swallow

Suck it all out, even if it hurts me

Drink everything you can

Because I'm running out of strength

I'm going to die soon

And I want to give you everything I have before I go

Because I win more by giving it to you than keeping it for myself

And though feeding you is a consuming challenge

I go to bed exhausted while already

Thinking of the next meal I will provide you

Drink it son, because this milk I minister you

Comes from an effort that I couldn't do for myself

Drink it because I need you to be healthy

And know that when I compare you to the others

It's because you must see you're better than them

And if they attack you, it's not because they don't like you

But because you're a threat

And if they reject you, it is not because you're not good enough

But because they can't stand living under your shadow

They will punish you for your beauty

That you were born condemned by

When even your closest brother, who loved you more than any other

Unconsciously planned to kill you to have what's yours

So that I would feed him instead of you

Hoping to become what you are

Thought now he regrets in shame

Giving his best to make up for it

Drink unconcerned my son

Because the poison you fear

I'd drink it myself if I had to for you

Once I'm too selfish to admit watching you die

When you can get so much further than me

Drink it son, because to save it all for you

I had to deny the compassion of a mere drop

For whom was starving orphan

Drink it all, get up and raise, my baby sun

Because though I acknowledge your pain

I'd have given anything to have had the chances you do

I push you into the river because I know you will swim

As soon as you feel the cold water freezing your ass

Drink it son, and don't be afraid

Because the darkness I show you is to contrast your light

So you can finally see it

Drink my son, get strong and make me proud

So I can feel that all my tears and sweat were worthy

Drink my darling, and make the best out of it

Because this strength I give you

I had to prostitute to gather

Because this is what a caregiver does

As my own mother did for me

And though I should, I can't love her "just" for that

Drink it my baby, and hate me

Because I have to play a harsh role

When the ones you value the most

Come and go whenever they want

Drink and come outside

I've carried you for 8 months

Pushing you out early before the 9th

Not for simple superstition

But because I knew you could handle it

My breastfeeding is smothering

For the unbearable pressure that my faith exerts on you

Forgive me son, when my sin is loving you too much

If I spoil you by never saying no

Once it breaks my heart having to deny you anything

I did the best with the resources I had

And if I had more, I'd give you everything

I'm sorry my son

If I was too young when you came

And I wasn't ready for such bless yet

If what your mother has to offer is less than you deserve

If it's full of flaws and stinks like rotten

But drink it, because I know

That though unpleasant

It's going to make you a man

Possession

My night dreams are bitter-sweet

When your transmuted images I meet

In the morning my heavy chest

Sadly longing for time to pass fast

I quit from it, curse the beat

Try to defeat the memory of your heat

But these feelings convince me soon

Like a witch on a magic broom

Giving me to possession

It's a passion, an obsession

That's a confession

After hours in despair

All the effort to repair

Is in vain

As in my vein

Runs the disease

That I welcome like sorrow-breeze

Breath deep

Hold and grip

It tempts, torments

When you leave, you go on existing

Your ghost will stay insisting

And in long days of abstinence

I fight for my bleeding contingence

Puzzle

The puzzle is a great invention

Even if not by intention

Compels to stare

At the pieces dropped unaware

Or maybe aware, to scare or dare

To investigate or to create

Cynical stochasticity

Disguising-plasticity

Grammatical utility

Poetical futility

Cheering up makeup

Experimental break up

Appealing-concealing

Keep on sealing the feeling

Which goes on waste

Superficial taste

Suppress to express

Digress to address

Disguise to apprise

Subconscious mime

Once-upon-a-time-rhyme

Fraude

O tormento e as lágrimas secas

De assistir repetidamente

O passado fantasma que o persegue

Ser condenado por si mesma

Pela fraude de tudo que o compõe

O logro de sua decência

Que se sustenta por sorte e blefe

Vergonha do que já não pode negar

A solidão de sua natureza feia

Condenação perpétua

Que respira como vidro moído

Corta por dentro devagar e sutil

Escondendo o rosto porque sente

Carregar clara evidência

De toda nojeira que abriga

Se contorce pela dor nas entranhas

Debate-se e da com a cabeça na parede

Em desespero, sem conseguir

Derramar nenhuma lágrima

Que te alivie esse pesar

Deita numa cama de pregos

Na qual se revira a noite toda

Alfinetado pelos fragmentos

De memória manchada

Por uma realidade podre

Da qual faz parte tão profundamente

Que já nem sente o cheiro

Cata os cacos dos cristais que quebra

Por sua doença de tremedeira

E esfrega na pele com destreza

Como quem aplica um peeling importado

Para forjar a situação e sensação

De que foi necessário e estratégico

Que é fineza e que valeu a pena

Destruir o pouco de bom

Que se encontrou nessa vida

Engole a dor como se fosse confeito

Enche a boca e empurra pra dentro afoito

Montando um sorriso desesperado

De agonia relutante

Pra que o corpo convença a mente

De que este estado é o que se quer

Despedaça sua inglória e embrulha

Em papel colorido barato

Roubado da escola

Que frequentou ignorante

E distribui pra pessoas desgraçadas

Que acham o máximo as migalhas

Deste personagem

Personagem esse

Que convence até que bem

Porque antes convenceu a si mesmo

Mas que caiu diante da plateia

Quando no fundo do salão

Sem querer se viu no espelho

De modo que o gesso e a tinta

Que cobriam e moldavam sua farsa

Esfarelou e derreteu

Numa única e ridícula cena

Gerando nenhum aplauso

Mas um insuportável silêncio

De desconcertante embaraço

Desumano

O que te isola é essa capa de adaptação

Que te foi vestida pra proteger do não

E que te faz falsa e mendigo de harmonía

O que te machuca mais é ver a decepção

De quem criou expectativas muito altas

Pela maquiagem que gruda na sua cara

Como resto da poeira do teu sofrimento

Esses trapos criativos que veste foram

Moldados por descuido e abuso

Quando a única reação que podia ter

Era um sorriso constante e amarelo

De canto, como um medo desajeitado

O resto que te resta

É ser horrível por definição

Quando cada ato do teu amor

É atrocidade desumana

A cruz que carrega

É a de ser tudo o que você mesmo define

Como algo que qualquer um

Em sã consciência não poderia apreciar

O que te separa dos outros

É o exagero de uma mesma essência

Que brotou desatinadamente

E que te corrói de nojo

Te faz querer arrancar a própria pele

E botar pra queimar

Em procedimento de quarentena

O triste é ver que quem te julga tem razão

Pois nem um único segundo do teu sacrifício

Foi pro beneficio dos teus amados

Mas somente pros teus vícios doentios

Sua auto repugnância vem de ver

Que se prostitui quando tem força

E na maior parte do tempo

Nem a isso se presta

Passa em branco e sozinho

Por causa dos teus olhos feridos

Que não veem cor em quase nada

A não ser no que você não merece

E que quando não merece

Cobiça o que seria sua única chance

De sentir o gosto da vida fora do bordel

Então ataca, enfraquece e mata

Pra trepar com o cadáver pálido

Da raridade que te fascina

Destrói a beleza que não pode ser sua

Rejeita a verdade sobre sua impureza

Pagando com a mesma moeda

Seja falsa ou verdadeira

Ou dos tesouros que cava e rouba

Bebe o sangue dos teus irmãos

Como vitamina nutritiva

Pra sua maldade terapêutica

Expurga sua compaixão

Com auto piedade obsessiva

Que traz um alívio superficial e vazio

Esmola que da a si mesmo

Alone

Please, don't take me so literally

When I say I am meant to be alone

Though I am sensible to see

That we are born to be together

It is alone that we find this peace

Albeit we are forced to abandon it

As our cursed nature takes place

It is alone that we are free

Leave the costumes in the closet

Walk naked around the house

With the right of simply staying

Idle, quiet, and absent-minded

For a bit, lay down this burden

Of our constant evaluation

Not carrying that heavy backpack

Full of must-proper behaviours

It is alone that we achieve

The relief of being, aimlessly.

Confusion

My confusion diffusion

A fusion of reality and illusion

Meditate to untie the knots

And reveal my loving thoughts

But the speech becomes bleak

In the moments when I speak

Fear my inner contradiction

Wack pattern, no prediction

Feeds sorrow, mess, affliction

As the fondling feels like friction

Posture came across as cynic

When it's just schizophrenic

Struggling, falling to my knees

With the me and the anti-me's

And the plans that I engage in this mirage

Trick myself and sabotage

I can never see the turn

Wake up, open-eyes, I burn

Where am I? I have been lost

To meet her needs at any cost

She's a ghost

I'm the host

And she comes and takes my body

Tainting me for everybody

Intense is the grief to bear

Switching cold and warm, unaware

Up and down

Round and round

Disgust and lust

The own me, I can not trust

All her methods are so evil

Shady, dark, and medieval

Saves in a deep hole

All the secrets that she stole

The abjection, stimulative

The rejection, manipulative

Drill and fill

Before the kill

Killing with a lovely kiss

Gets her right through my miss

Mass-murder to redeem

Bloody hands raising esteem

Feast your soreness to vomit it back

Then I lay down on my back

Desperate I regret

As her sins become my debt

I'm the keeper, she's the threat

The reasoning, crazy

The sanity, lazy

Escaping subtly through the border

Personal spy, thought disorder

Illustrative images

With research objective

Has found the detective

That the images were to illustrate

Just to demonstrate

Like the Coca-Cola versus Pepsi test of taste

A bias to be faced

It tastes so sweet

But if you don't quit

After a liter

It's gonna be bitter

It will taste like litter

Delusion of the repeater

Odd fraud

Only exists while abroad

Maybe it never existed

Messy memories built twisted

Perhaps fruit of imagination

Mixed facts, hallucination

Induced connotation

Desirably distorted interpretation